I was 50 last week and so, in a rush and because I felt that I SHOULD, I wrote a short article of things that I now know to be true at 50. It was nice and I do think all of those things are true.
Anyway, it wasn’t really what I needed to write. What I really needed to write was in this email.
Although 50 is just a number and not really that relevant or different to say 47, or 52, this period of my life, of most women’s lives is different to the eras that have gone before. And so I wanted to take the opportunity to reflect, rather than letting it pass me by completely and to think about what this new phase I am in currently, means.
I think this is probably a really pivotal point in a lot of women’s lives, because yes, the menopause etc but also because it might just be THE point in life when shit starts to get REAL and we have the possibility of really embracing what that might mean for us. Maybe we are equipped for that.
And maybe the menopause highlights that. Or maybe the two go hand in hand.
Anyway, what I really wanted to say is this and what is written below, I don’t even know if it makes complete sense as a structured thing but it’s the start of my thinking about this period of my life, of other women’s lives and how we can all be so bloody amazing if we just allow ourselves to be.
So, in a slightly unfinished way, these are some thoughts I have about what is important when it comes to what it’s like to be a woman in her late forties, early fifties and what we really need to do to make the very most of this rich, creative time in our lives.
Simplification
Of everything. Your work, your business, your friendships, relationship, everything. Why have complexity when things could be made clearer, more simple? As I am eternally fond of saying to my clients – how can we make this easy? You’ve been alive for a while now, I think you know what you want.
A huge consideration in this phase of peri menopause and menopause is that your energy levels and ability to focus and keep spinning all the plates is a problem. Brain fog is real, hormone deficits kick our butts as does insomnia.
In your business, now is the time to really hone in on what you want to do and how you want to be seen. It’s time to create better systems, invest in support and make the changes required that acknowledge not just your lack of energy and the like, but highlight and play to your strengths and your brilliance. That make the most of the amazing amount of talent, skills and experience you have. You’re the bomb. Time to believe it.
Speaking of which…
Step into power
By the time you hit your late 40s, early 50s as a woman you are MASSIVELY hitting your stride. You’ve never been better, more powerful, more brilliant.
Society doesn’t want you to know this though, not at all. Because then middle aged women would have the confidence to run the world! And for patriarchal society, that’s literally the worst thing that could happen.
Also, you can’t make money out of women thinking they’re amazing, it’s much better to make them feel insecure about how their bodies look and feel and smell. That’ll keep them preoccupied and out of their power! And what better a time to ramp up the pressure than the one where all the things we have been taught to value – tight skin, pert bums, full hair, patient and sunny attitudes – start to disappear! Because if we are worrying about our crows feet and our waning libido, we can’t be focusing on overthrowing the systems that keep us in our place.
So we are in a battle between them (society, media, government, sometimes our own families) and us (the midlife women, the hags!) to truly recognise what the last few decades on the planet have given and taught us and how we will REALLY get going in this next phase. But we need to help ourselves.
Self preservation
There’s no point in pretending that the middle years for women are not anything short of brutal at times. Yes, some of our sisters sail through these years with ease and for that we are grateful on their behalf (if a little tight lipped) but they are in the minority.
This is why self preservation and prioritisation of self is really important. And why many of us now regret putting off having kids until our mid thirties, because now we need to prioritise ourselves whilst also parenting teenagers and possibly caring for elders. Bad timing!
Still, in the midst of all of this, we can and we must prioritise our own needs. We need more rest, more time alone, more time in community with our tribe (see below), more focus on our mental health, hormonal balance and more time to plan our next most brilliant things.
Find your tribe
The thing about peri menopause, and midlife generally, is that it is a series of seemingly small happenings, a multitude of symptoms, some known, some not, that start to effect you, often profoundly. And without the opportunity to be honest with other women and share some heart felt ‘me too’s, these are the kind of changes to our brains, bodies and souls that can be hidden and go unseen.
So we feel like we are slowly losing our minds, but to everyone else in our lives we might appear mainly fine. Especially with a life time of ‘coping’ to sustain us.
Therefore, finding your tribe, whether online or in real life is really really important. Many of the things women have suffered in silence about for decades, centuries, are now being openly talked about, explained and explored – but we have to be willing to seek them out and join in.
Look online, join a women’s circle, make a women’s circle, attend seminars and trainings where other hags like you might hang out. Gather your girlfriends, be honest with the women around you about both your issues and your brilliance and start requiring honesty back.
Start to realise how bloody amazing midlife women are (and don’t get me started on those who are 60+) and start celebrating and connecting with them wherever you go. It’s not all about discussing HRT either. It’s being in the company of other total badasses and the freedom that brings.
Stop fucking around
I think it was Brene Brown who said that midlife is “when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around…it’s time to show up and be seen”.
Whoa. She’s right though. Time is finite. We do not have forever. We have gathered a huge amount of knowledge, experience, talent and skills over the last few decades, and hopefully we are starting to shed some of the very time consuming parts of life, parenthood of small kids, start up businesses, early careers. Now is the time – we need to decide and own what that means though.
Embrace the real you
We have to stop living our lives for other people and through the eyes of other people. If we haven’t already, we have to stop caring what other people thing of us and what they want of us. We need to care instead, deeply, about what we want, what we think and what we would like to do with the time we have ahead of us.
We need to get in touch with what’s at the core of us, acknowledge the inner critic and work around her. Get curious about the things that we’ve allowed to hold us back and be willing to create new stories for ourselves about what is possible and what is going to happen next.
We need to not only find our inner mentor but absolutely transform ourselves into her, because it is time. In your thirties you can meet your inner mentor and have a cup of tea and ask for her wisdom. Perhaps in our 50s we just have to BE her, be the wisdom. If we haven’t already, we need to uncover our best self and drop all the other versions.
That’t it at the mo! My thoughts on and for midlife. If you are a woman in midlife, I’d love to know what you think.
And if you’re a peri menopausal women trying to grow and build a business and a brilliant income for yourself through this time, I can be here with you for accountability, ideas, mindset blocks, the lot. Click the blue button below to book in for a discovery session with me.