I came across a quote yesterday that really hit home:
“You’re not afraid of failing. You’re afraid of failing in front of other people.”
Think about that. It’s not failure itself that keeps us stuck where we are, not taking action —it’s the fear of being seen failing. It’s the worry that people will notice if we try something and it doesn’t work out. That they’ll judge us, question us, or worse—confirm the doubts we already have in our own heads, that we are not good enough, that we can’t do it.
So we hesitate. Overthink. Hold ourselves back.
Or alternatively, we announce our plans to the world as a way to make them feel real, hoping that external accountability will push us forward, maybe people will even be supportive?! And then very quickly wish we hadn’t.
Oh I have been there SOOO many times! And as an amazing ideas person with no completer finisher genes, I have been called out on this a lot. And people who do not share my visions have sadly pissed on my chips when I discuss my ideas and plans and tell me how it won’t work.
But what if you flipped that?
What if, instead of telling people what you’re about to do, or stopping yourself because of some imaginary scenario in the future where people shame you for not doing something right, what if you just quietly and with no fuss, got on and did it?
Wouldn’t it be a relief to take away some of that angst about being seen to fail or make mistakes or give up or change our minds? Hold your tongue and stay in your groove!
How to take action without having to deal with the weight of other people’s opinions
Keep your plans private—at least for now.
Not everyone needs to know what you’re up to, also it often feels delicious to be doing something like writing a book or learning a new skill without telling even your nearest and dearest. Extra tip: at any point in the proceedings or bringing a dream and a goal to life, it pays to be very careful who you share it with – not everyone, not even some of those who claim to want the best for you, will be supportive.
Make a bit of progress before you make any announcements.
Instead of saying, “I’m going to start a business / write a book / learn a new skill,” just quietly start. Do a small thing first. Then another. Let your actions speak for themselves. Maybe someone will notice at some point but by that point, you’ve started, you’ve made progress, you’re in fact DOING IT, had some success with it, and you don’t care so much what others might think.
Notice how you experiment more without the fear of being watched.
Trying new things can feel vulnerable, but when you remove the audience, you remove the fear of judgment. Give yourself permission to be a total beginner, to get things wrong, to figure it out as you go. Beginner energy to ALL things, even things you think you’ll be good at, is never a bad thing. Be curious, expand out of your comfort zone a bit.
Build confidence from your actions and your feelings, not validation.
It’s easy to look for encouragement before we even begin, but real confidence comes after you’ve taken action, not before. Trust that you can do the thing without needing external approval first. We build confidence, it doesn’t just arrive.
What happens when you give yourself a private growth space
When you stop performing your progress for others, you create a space where it’s safe to try, to fail, to adjust, and to keep going. You end up doing things differently without the pressure. You are more curious, relaxed, happy to see what happens and this changes things. You get things done. You learn things. You GROW. You are better.
And by the way, this is exactly what coaching offers—a space where you can explore ideas, take risks, and move forward without judgment or pressure, just support and aligned action.
If that’s something you need, let’s talk.
Book a free discovery call today, where you can experience coaching firsthand and see what’s possible when you stop waiting for permission. In just 30 minutes you might have a whole new perspective on something, regardless of if you want to go ahead and be coached by me or not.
I’ve said it before so I’ll say it again, I cannot hard sell to save my life, this genuinely is a risk free way to experience coaching and chat about something you’d like to achieve. So don’t be put off, just hop on a call.